Events, stipulations, and musings.

Looking back I see that time, is fleeting. more days and weeks go by then I can hold on to and my journals show that there are vast times and massive gaps in updates.

Recently I performed at the 2ND Anniversary of Caledon for the fine folks that attended and enjoyed my musical performance. Albeit it was for a brief hour, it was intense. The music I chose was modern but folk-like with pipes, traditional instruments and an occasional 'epic' piece. One such piece by Globus, one of my favorites actually, announced the arrival of Guv'nah Shang. Tipping well and enjoying his time dancing for the rest of my set and into Duck's set was an exciting moment for me. What was also exciting was dancing with Eugenia Burton and LilyDay. I am very glad that the celebrations turned out the way they did. It tends to rekindle the reasons why I love Caledon, even though the weeks as of late have been moody, dark, and foreboding. I don't really wish to leave Caledon but I am finding other things to keep me occupied. I have a great deal of work to do still and even though I still feel a bit out of the community or more exactly, a stranger in a strange land, I continue to stay and contribute. The events that have been happening within Clan Kintyre, while not as dramatic, have left a vile, bitter taste in my mouth and when I attend each of the Raves on the Roof, there always seems to be a cloud of misery over the entire event. It seems to be a lurking shadow really. Kintyre lives but as a wounded animal and I don't know if it will ever be healed. Dirty Dancing with Her Grace was enjoyable, especially since she was between two Tairovs but I recognized quite early the intent was to have her Grace enjoy herself and to also still hurt and scorn ZenMondo, who in honesty, I still can't get over my anger with him for. Funny. I can love like God loves but cannot forgive as he does. I must work on that.

As far as the work goes on the AEther Battle cruiser, I am still not happy with the rear. I think I shall work more on the engineer room and perhaps start to work in Blender to design more of what I am looking for. I have learned a great deal from a lot of builders and giving up on the project is no longer an option. I enjoy the challenge but I do get frustrated at the lack of ability I possess in being able to make my dream a reality. Lukos keeps riding me to finish the job. I tend to look at it as a long term project that has challenges to overcome when I feel like tackling them and frankly, I don't feel like tackling them every minute of every day.

I need to talk with Erasmus. I know he has been busy with his new bride but I want to get my point across that I want to help more in Caledon Independent Broadcasting and in the Second Life Relay for Life. Backup DJ is always an option. I didn't volunteer for being a runner, I want to contribute more but not with as much spotlight. Having the fate of a race on ones shoulder is not the attention I crave.

*Sigh* I always seem to be trying to find my path. So many others seem so sure of themselves and I respect them for it. I have learned though that I can't follow in ones footsteps yet I don't have the confidence and security to blaze my own path. What a mess I seem to be.