I notice most of my postings have been rather negative. I try to be a positive influence in Caledon and beyond, however, it is almost impossible for me to have a plastered smile, a masque full of sunshine and rainbows all the time. There are moments when I feel like the standard courtesies and grinning lies wear me down faster than truth. Truth I can accept.
I suppose I should get in line with everyone else to be a ‘good’ boy. Society dictates it and like a lobotomized sheep, I shall mindlessly waltz with the best, pardon the drool.
What has been disconcerting as of late is how often my honesty or opinion stops a discussion dead in its tracks. Two nights ago I made a statement on how I thought that even if it were in jest, general chat could be so cruel and hateful, could not we all get along a bit better? All discussion stopped…for over 15 minutes. I think I broke them or they just wandered out of the Chat area out of sheer boredom.
I have finally realized no matter how hard I try to just be me and to stick by my principles, people don’t care. I am just background noise to most people. I try to strike up a conversation, almost all of the time not about me, but they don’t take me seriously or they have better things to do. I can understand I don’t have to be, and frankly, I don’t want to be the center of attention, but can I actually have some courtesy? I wish I could have something more besides “How are you?” Those three words are so insincere. Nobody really cares. It is mock courtesy.
*Sigh*. I need to stop using my Blog as a toxic waste dump. Its not helping and I am sure if I have a single reader, they don’t want to hear my crap.
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