I enjoy attention. Actually I crave it. I absorb it. I desire it. It is lust and substance and wine for me. In a few conversations with friends and associates, I have expressed my concerns about the unquenchable thirst of attention I desire. Most of my close friends acknowledge this desire but really cannot explain it further than I can as to the machina, the mechanical aspects of my spirit so to speak, as to why I feel the need. Some even joke about it which I take in stride for if I cannot laugh at myself, I cannot laugh at anything else.
I did the Rave on the Roof event last night and I was actually sad. The event started on time, the music was more positive and upbeat even though I decided to go with a darker side of music. Nobody came. I don’t know why really, its not like folks don’t know where we are. I suspect it may be perception and location really. I had heard on the Caledon Independent Channel the previous night some rumblings of male chests and some comments on how furry my particular chest was. I really wasn’t paying too much attention at the time due to a rather in depth conversation with some friends so I did not really tune in as much. Some of those rumblings and discussions started again tonight and after 30 minutes of only having a few of the usual crowd there, I announced that I was taking off my shirt. The reason why I did it was pretty simple, I was trying to shine and nobody was paying attention. I work hard. I work harder for others. I DJ because not only does music enlighten me, move me, carry emotions in word and thought and sound, but I wish to share the positive imagery and motivation and impact music has stirred in me with the rest of the world. When nobody seems to care, that cuts me deeply. So I turn to using every trick I can to get people to listen.
Thirty minutes later and a few more folks start to trickle in. Then more come and I am a bit buried in IM’s for requests for music.
Apparently I now have a group dedicated to the appreciation of my chest. No not me at all, nor my personality nor any other part of me, just my chest and its follicles. Part of me is overwhelmed by the attention being the attention lush that I am. I also derive satisfaction that some of my imagined friendly rivalry with a few other gentlemen in Caledon society over chest appreciation seems to have reached a new, higher level and now I am a high contender. I get to be in the big league, YAY! I also get to anger a few people greatly that all ready despise me because of who I am. Part of me is, well frankly, terrified. Shaving is now out of the question and maintaining my newly declared asset is now a requirement. Too much exposure also and folks will get bored just like they do with my silks, OMG dancing, and flirting. It is not insecurity, for I am confident in my looks and my physical centering in the universe, but it will be a test for my more unstable spiritual and emotional centering. I must not disappoint least the attention wanes.
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3 comments:
Mr. Tairov, I shouldn't think you would ever lack for attention. When ere I've seen you, you have been surrounded by a bevy of beauties, and occasionally have been in the arms of one (or in a lip-lock as at the Tango Party recently). Chin up, a handsome fellow such as yourself will always garner attention.
Don't be angry with me my dear. I care about a lot of people, well most people actually including yourself. I don't believe love should be exclusive to one person and I love you just as much. I also love a lot of people just as much. I don't understand how one can't have an unlimited supply of love to share with everyone and everything.
Whyever would I be angry, my dear Marcus? Never! I was just trying ot make the point that you shall never lack attention. And of course that is in part because you are so friendly and loveable! :)
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